Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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