Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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