They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
