the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.