So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.