Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center