My hand turned me down
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line