Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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