I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize