Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
