My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just forgot I was standing up.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
