You can't special order awesome
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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