I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
how drunk are you?
Several
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
