and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
