WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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