the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
