if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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