Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
