I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
