Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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