I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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