Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
