love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
