ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
