Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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