A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
