those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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