Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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