I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
