:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
