haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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