awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
