Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
