So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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