omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
