and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
