whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
