She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
