Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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