yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
