I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
