it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
