so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
