Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
