p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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