This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
