he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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