I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
