i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
