Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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