Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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