people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
