Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
