I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
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he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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