it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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