put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
