I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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