I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize