Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
