I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
