He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
