haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
