Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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