I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Farmville is her only friend.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
