And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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