Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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