If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Randomize
