my room smells like sperm. sweet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
