I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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