i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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