I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
