I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
