Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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