I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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