shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
