We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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