I've blown a few things in my day
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I understand Curling. That high.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
