he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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