I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
