We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
