shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Girls should come with a carfax report
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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