Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
